Ready or not...

I'm scared. Anxious. Fearful.

 I can't sleep.

Tomorrow night, I will be spending my first night in my new apartment. As excited as I am to get settled in (you can only live out of suitcases in your boyfriend's family's house for so long), I'm scared to death. An apartment? Am I really old enough for this? It doesn't seem like I should be. Of course, I feel as if I need to get on and get out of the dorms. I'll have to in a year & 1/2 anyways...I might as well do it now.

Monday afternoon, I'll go to my first day of work. Yes, the long-awaited for job. God provides- I've been waiting to be hired by ESP since September of 2009. Now, when I need this job the most, God conveniently drops it in my lap.

So why am I so scared and anxious? I really don't know. I'm fearful of change- I always have been. I cried the day I graduated from high school and the day I left for college I bawled my eyes out. In the next four days I will move into an apartment and start my first "real" job. I'll be meeting new people, building new relationships, and learning to live "on my own."


It all scares me. During the day it doesn't bother me as much. But at night, when I really have time to think...it all builds up. Especially when I'm not that tired to begin with...I think of everything that's going on in my life and how terrifying it is for me. Everything that I've been preparing for and waiting for...it's happening NOW.