Can you believe that this is true? Grace abundant I am giving you?

Happy Easter! I hope everyone has had a spectacular day, celebrating the resurrection of our Lord! Today I've been thinking about a lot. God really convicted me of things in my life at the Tenebrae service Friday night, as well as the Easter service this morning. The whole conviction truly began Wednesday night, with Dave's message.

Dave spoke Wednesday night from Ephesians, about putting to death the old man, and living in the light of Christ. Although I would have to pull out my notebook to reiterate the whole message, one question he asked as continued to stick in my mind.

"Do I go out of my way to show love to others? Or do I only love others when it's beneficial for me?"

God's love is sacrificial, and it says in Ephesians 5, that we should be imitators of God, loving others as Christ loved us.

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children; and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."-Ephesians 5:1-2

Wow! I was so convicted by that question and those two verses. I pride myself in being compassionate, kind, and understanding toward the majority of people. I try to at least look for the good in other people.

God continued to poke at my heart through this Easter season, as I was constantly reminded of the immense suffering that Christ endured to show how HE loved someone as dirty as ME! I know that I am a rotten, dirty, trashy sinner, but God still LOVED me enough to send His only son to die for me.

That's true sacrifice.

God is still working in my heart. Lately, it has become very calloused and closed, and has been very hardened. I haven't recognized my own sin in my life for a while now, because I've been so focused on so many other people.

This is when I truly realized today how hard-hearted I've become:

Today, Stephen and I were driving out to his grandparents to help get lunch ready, when we passed a man in a wheelchair on the side of the road. He was holding a cardboard sign that said "Help. Need Work." I don't even know if Stephen saw the man, I was just staring out the window. In the past, my heart would break over something like that. But today...today I scoffed. I thought quietly to myself: "I bet he's only sitting out here because all these people are leaving church today and someone's bound to pity him."

That's when I knew that I had become calloused and hard. Because yes, I love people. I love serving people. I really do. But I've become so reluctant to realize my own sin, and I've focused so much on the flaws of other people. Even in my classes, I've been judgmental, critical of people's life choices--homosexuality, drinking, drugs, partying.

Friday, I cried my eyes out at church, confessing to God that I knew I was hard-hearted, pleading with Him to open up my heart again, and thanking Him for the people that are in my life, who point out my sin to me. Sunday, I pleaded with God again, knowing that the process of my heart opening up doesn't happen overnight. I know it takes time, and the incident in the car today showed me that God is still at work. Because today, even though I scoffed at the man, God showed me how wrong I was in my actions.

We sang a song at church on Friday night to end the service. This song has been in my head since we sang it, and it's a constant reminder of God's grace, forgiveness and mercy that He's bestowed upon me, even when I deserve it the least. I'll end with the lyrics--just imagine God saying this to You-truly a powerful song:

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done; It doesn’t matter where you’re coming from
Doesn’t matter where you’ve been, Hear me tell you I forgive 

You’re not guilty anymore, you’re not filthy anymore,
I love you, mercy is yours
You’re not broken anymore, you’re not captive anymore,
I love you, mercy is yours 

Can you believe that this is true, grace abundant I am giving you
Cleansing deeper than you know, all was paid for long ago 

You’re not guilty anymore, you’re not filthy anymore,
 

I love you, mercy is yours
You’re not broken anymore, you’re not captive anymore,
I love you, mercy is yours 

There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Jesus

You are spotless; You are holy
You are faultless; You are whole
You are righteous; You are blameless
You are pardoned;You are mine

--Aaron Keyes, "Not Guilty Anymore"